Question of the day – what makes you happier in a relationship: Making sacrifices to make the other person happier OR sharing #allthethings? Or is it both? Or either? Sabrina, Mae & I are dishing on what works (and doesn’t work) when it comes to the big S’s in a relationship. Read on to see how sacrifice plays a role and then hop over to their blogs for a peek into how sharing or both contribute!
Sacrifice. Share an experience recapping a sacrifice you or your boo made in your relationship and how it played out.
Mae: Over the years, Nick and I have made many sacrifices. Sometimes we sacrifice things we want to be together and sometimes we sacrifice our time together so that we can better ourselves, but it never feels like such a painful sacrifice because, in the end, it makes us better together. One of our earliest sacrifices that comes to mind was when I moved out of state for college. Nick was traveling the country and playing in a band and I moved to Florida for school. We both made sacrifices to maintain our relationship from afar. After a semester apart, he left the band to join me. I love to travel and I will never pass up an opportunity to do so, so sometimes Nick also sacrifices time with me so that I can take every opportunity that comes my way. It was that way in college when I volunteered a summer in Amman, Jordan and again when I volunteered for a week in Costa Rica. Then we got married just after college graduation and I was planning to go on to medical school. At the time though, we prioritized moving somewhere that Nick could find a job. We had no idea where we’d end up, so I postponed (“sacrificed” sounds too big) my plan indefinitely so that we could live together our first year of marriage. Fast forward 6 years and when I look at my life I can’t imagine anything different.
A few years ago, a friend asked me how I decided it was worth it to make these sacrifices for another person and create a life with someone, even if I had to “give up” some of the things I wanted. I responded that I knew because none of the things I wanted seemed very good if I thought of having them without having Nick. I’m not saying this type of things is for everyone and I am a firm believer in loving your life, whether you have a SO or not. That being said, if you find that person that just makes everything in life so much better, they are probably worth a sacrifice or two. We both sacrifice for one another and for our relationship and so far we regret nothing.
Lauren: I think I may have talked about this on the blog before but since B and I don’t live together currently, we have to split time between our two places. And I use the word “split” sparingly. In comes the sacrifice. I absolutely love my loft. I spent time decorating and curating the look & atmosphere I’ve always wanted (especially after my ex & I broke up…longer story there). I also love the location I’m in. I’m close to downtown and love that the traffic over here isn’t super crazy. But guess what? B also loves his place and not for the same reasons I love mine. He lives in Buckhead which is where his job and all of his friends live. So, we spend 95% of our time in that neighborhood which means we spend 95% of our nights at his place. For months, I would beg and whine about how I wanted to spend more time at my place. And sure, we spend a night here every few weeks but it just never quite works out to be an even balance. So…I recently decided to just let it go. It’s a super small sacrifice that probably doesn’t even count but for me, it’s easier to just know that’s where I’ll be and then have my little oasis set aside for when I need some “me time”.
Since making the decision to chill out and just accept the fact that he likes being in his ‘hood a little bit more than mine, it’s cut out all of the hassle or stress that was probably caused by my whining 🙂 Every now and then, we’ll venture over to the westside and stay at my place but I feel pretty good knowing that I made a tiny sacrifice and it actually played out pretty well!
Sahir and I have been together for over 11 years and over this time we have made many sacrifices. One that sticks out in particular is when I went to study abroad in Spain, which ended up being the longest amount of time that we have ever been apart. This sneak peak into a long distance relationship showed me a) how awful they are (serious respect to my friends in LDRs) and b) how much sacrifice it takes to maintain. We both took steps to make this time apart work for us, including setting “unmovable” dates (barring actual emergencies) – we would accommodate for the time difference and set up 1-2 times a day that we facetimed no matter what, even if that meant I had to skip out of dinner with my friends or he had to stay up later than normal. I can remember a number of nights that I opted out of the bar scene with my friends (let’s be real, the bar has never been my scene) to go home and facetime with my boyfriend. Well, 4 years later I was married and have never looked back. I’ve never listened to anyone else’s opinions on what I should or should not be doing when it comes to sacrifice. I do what feels right to me, and so far – so good.