One of my goals for content this year was to create and share topics that you guys could relate to. We’ve talked about all sorts of super personal things here on the blog and if I’m being honest, as helpful as it might be for you, it’s extremely therapeutic for me to share those moments as well.
Earlier this year, I touched on a topic that not many of you knew about. My boyfriend Brandon and I broke up for about a month last year. Looking back on it now, it was more of a break (que Ross Gellar here) but in the moment, it 100% felt like a breakup to me. And a rough one. I won’t get into the details of the “why” but I was devasted and Brandon wasn’t feeling too hot either. For a few weeks there, I was struggling. We were unsure of what the future had in store for our relationship and when I look back, I feel like I handled the stress and uncertainty in such an unhealthy way. I spent lots of time second-guessing myself and Brandon, overthinking, not giving in to emotions and just being really negative about all the things. We got through that time and are definitely stronger than before but it really got me thinking about I could have handled things better and if that would have impacted ME differently.
I’m sure there’s no “right” way to deal with a breakup but I took to Instagram to poll you guys on tips you have for someone going through one. I LOVED all of your responses. I love that we can all come together and share our own experiences to help other women. It’s a pretty cool thing. Based on your feedback, these were some of the most popular responses. Let’s dive in, shall we?
5 Ways to Deal with a Breakup
1. Keep busy.
I don’t know about you guys but I am the queen of filling my head with all sorts of stories and negative self-talk. Even now, when B and I get in an argument and we take some time to ourselves to let the tension pass, I will 100% start convincing myself of all of these things that make the situation that much worse. I think the key is to just keep busy and distract yourself from those really hard moments. Find fun hobbies. Prioritize the things you might have put on the back burner throughout your relationship (we’ve all done it). Use this new time in your life to do the things you love doing and don’t feel bad if the distraction actually helps.
2. Don’t be afraid to outsource.
I can’t stress this enough, you don’t have to go through this time alone. It’s no surprise that I’m all about a good therapy session. Don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed to seek outside consultation from a professional. Sometimes it just feels really really good to talk to someone who will pass zero judgments and look at the situation with completel fresh eyes. If you are hesitant to seek professional help, it’s also okay to confide in friends – just be weary. Friends don’t forgive as quickly as you do so if there’s a chance you and your ex could get back together and work through the conflict, you don’t want that friend to hold the current situation against you.
Either way, I think it’s important to turn to others when you’re going through something hard so you don’t have to internalize the pain all on your own.
3. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel.
Girl, it is okay to cry. It’s okay to be mad or frustrated or sad or angry or happy or guilty. No matter what you’re feeling during those raw moments, embrace it. I feel like it’s a huge part of the process for moving through and getting past the hard parts of a breakup. Especially if there’s a chance of a reconcile. if you don’t allow yourself to work through those emotions, there’s a good chance those tears or anger will come back up in another form later on – and that’s no good.
4. Treat yourself.
Enjoy YOU. Treat yourself to spa days, buy that new bag, take a trip. One of the things that worked for me during that month was just having fun and reminding myself that I deserve happiness, especially outside of a relationship. You don’t have to ball out of control but there’s something about treating yourself every now and then that just feels good and reminds you that you don’t need another person to give you that feeling. It also plays a huge part in the last step.
5. Fall in love with YOU.
It’s so much easier said than done but if you ask me, the most important way to get through a breakup is to figure out how to LOVE YOURSELF. If you’re already exuding confidence and self-love, you’ve nailed it. But for most of us, it’s hard to get there especially when we’ve spent a chunk of our lives showering our boyfriend wit lots of love. It’s easy to forget how to do the same for ourselves. One of the things I focused on during our mini break was working on myself. I wrote up little post-it notes with things I loved about myself. I surrounded myself with amazing women that left me feeling empowered. I turned the focus from being sad about not being with Brandon to being okay with being alone because I was indeed enough. And honestly, that feeling of being okay with being alone and not feeling lonely played a huge role in Brandon and I getting back together. I entered our relationship with a new sense of myself and that’s something I’ve been able to hold on to in every aspect of my life.