I N S E C U R I T I E S. They can be a real b!tch. And I’m not gonna lie to you guys, I’ve had my fair share…and still have waves of self doubt on the regular. I’ve talked before about confidence and finding your inner badass and while that is usually what I try to focus on, every now and then those pesky insecurities decide to make an appearance.
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So what gets me down…
Part of me feels like I shouldn’t share these, but in an effort of full transparency I thought I’d list out a few of the insecurities that have weighed me down in the past. Whew – here it goes.
- “Ham thighs”: As much as I’ve grown to love my curves (still need to make some changes to get to a healthier me), the one part of my body that always seemed to bug me was the thigh area. I remember in middle school comparing my thighs to other girls and with the rise of the thigh gap era (thank god that is ending), my insecurities with body image seemed to always focus on the lower region. Trying on pants or shorts would bring me way down and having that horrendous chafing thing during the summer…no bueno. On the other hand, I’ve also learned to love that these so called “ham thighs” are STRONG. Years of dance, gymnastics and track created muscle and shape that I should be proud of. While this might always be a problem area, I’m trying my damn hardest to let this insecurity go!
- “Why is she more successful than me?”: We have ALL been there. Comparison in the workplace, with other bloggers, with friends….with strangers. It happens and it happened to me and it still happens to me. In the past, I’ve doubted my success comparing my work and content and salary to others. It’s hard to not strive for that next level or want to skip steps or just want to be that other person when you see their success. For me, this might be one of the hardest things to let go. When I see other girls with higher numbers, more opportunities, exciting experiences, etc. it can get tough. You want to feel like you’re doing something “right” and that all of the work you’re putting in to your business is paying off. But I’ve realized that the number one threat to my own success is putting my energy into someone else’s.
- “He’s cheating.”: This one is hard. You can have the most confidence in who you are as a woman and have ZERO confidence in your relationship or your partner. In my past relationship, there was a lot of cheating and disrespect. A lot of making me feel like that kind of behavior was “normal”. I was void of a healthy relationship experience and unfortunately, I entered my relationship with B with that same mentality. Most women who have been cheated on assume that all men cheat…and it’s not fair. It took me a LONG time and a lot of self reflection to understand that Brandon wasn’t my ex and our relationship wasn’t a carbon copy of that previous experience. I’m not going to lie though, there are still times when I let those insecurities buried deep in the back of my mind come to the forefront. It’s something I’ll probably need to work on for years to come but my biggest lesson learned is that if you actually put trust into your relationship and give it everything you’ve got, you will not regret it. And that energy translates to confidence and love and that should be our focus #amiright.
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How do we beat them?
This my friends is still somewhat of a mystery to me. Surprise. If you thought I was going to dish out the 5 Ways to Beat Your Insecurities, I’m really sorry to disappoint. If I knew the answers, you better believe I’d be pursuing a career as a therapist or m motivational speaker instead of sharing outfit photos and travel diaries. I have however done a lot of trial and error, coming up with a few tips to help you get on the right path. I still struggle with insecurities every now & then but when I do, these are some of the things that seem to help me refocus!
- TALK TO SOMEONE. I’m not talking about a friend or parent or family member. Talk to someone with an unbiased opinion who can offer you a safe space to vent your frustrations. I saw a therapist a few years back for an eating disorder and she not only helped me recover but helped me identify where a lot of my insecurities were coming from. Tackle those deeply rooted “demons” and that is the first step to banishing the insecure thoughts. (I hope that doesn’t sound like total BS. I’m speaking from personal experience but obviously, do what makes you comfortable!)
- REMIND YOURSELF THAT PERFECTION ISN’T REAL. I know this kind of feel obvious but I have to constantly remind myself that even the seemingly perfect girls, relationships, businesses, etc. are NOT perfect. They have struggles and challenges like the rest of us. Remembering that perfection isn’t my goal and that I’m actually doing awesome things helps to keep my in a positive space.
- DON’T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF. If and when those insecurities start to creep up, don’t let them overpower you. They’re probably not going to go away for good (and if they do, please comment below with how you figured that one out) so after you’ve given into them even if just for a moment, try to think of some of you’re awesome qualities. Hint: everyone has them. Don’t beat yourself for letting the insecurity take over for a little bit. It’s part of not being “perfect” and if you can turn that insecurity into a positive things, we’ll lady you’re pretty much bada$$.