Spoiler. I do not mean cheating. I literally mean sleeping with someone else. Because if there is one thing I’ve learned over the past four years with B it’s that we don’t talk enough about sharing your bed with someone else – and what that really means.
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE Brandon. I love the fact that I get to go to sleep next to him every night and wake up with him every morning, bad breath and all. But, I gotta be honest, I like my space. And Brandon, my dear, is the opposite.
Some of you reading this might think I’m totally crazy. Maybe you and your partner are the same. You either both enjoy cuddling up all night or having some space while you doze. Maybe you both love a cold bed. For us, that just isn’t the case and that’s OK. All couples are different and while I spent the first few months of our relationship thinking something was wrong with me, I’ve finally figured out that it’s okay to want different things as long as you’re able to communicate and compromise.
3 tips for peacefully sleeping with someone else
No. 1 Two blankets
I grew up sleeping on top of my covers with a small throw blanket. Not sure why or when that started but my mom would always poke fun – she couldn’t understand why I was sleeping on TOP of the new comforter I begged for. If B could have his way, we’d have sheets and comforters and throw blankets. We’re just different that way. A few months ago, when one of us was sick, we slept under two different sets of blankets. We were still close and we still cuddled but it was one of the most peaceful nights I’ve ever had.
I felt so guilty the next day. Was our relationship ending? Do we not really love each other?? I came across this article on Refinery29 and feel SO much better knowing that I’m not alone. Apparently, the one bed two blankets thing is, well, a thing. We don’t do this every night and we still usually end up blending covers in the morning or cuddling in the middle of the night but having different blankets that fit your temperature needs is pretty amazing. I sleep with a small throw or thin blanket and he uses the main comforter. It works for us and I don’t hate it.
No. 2 Cuddle “scheduling”
Okay. This sounds like the exact opposite of intimacy and passion. I know. To be clear, I don’t actually mean you should schedule your cuddle time. Let me explain.
Brandon loves to cuddle. He’s the more affectionate one of the pair of us in all aspects of any relationship. He loves to hug people hello and goodbye. He usually starts the PDA. He just loves physical touch (that’s his love language). I am the opposite. I never hug people unless it’s someone I haven’t seen in a long time or a family member. I’ve gotten a lot better at the PDA and being more intentional with my affection towards B but I’m still not nearly as into the touching as he is 🙂 Same thing applies to nighttime. If Brandon could have his way, we’d lock bodies as soon as we hit the sheets and not separate until it’s time to brush our teeth. I, however, am that girl who thinks crossing ankles or having our arms simply touching is the perfect level of cuddling. I just love my space when I sleep. I’m a light sleeper and any movement or noise wakes me up and keeps me up for hours.
Although we clearly don’t agree here, we both realize how important it is to not ignore the other person’s needs/wants. So, we started comprising a bit. We cuddle as we fall asleep and drift apart while we sleep. I also try to be more intentional about giving Brandon some much-needed cuddle time in the mornings. I usually set my alarm for 10 min before I really need to wake up so I can spend some extra time in bed. This might all sound crazy but it works for us. And, yes, sometimes we cuddle in the middle of the night and sometimes one of us still feels like the other person isn’t compromising enough but we’re figuring it out. Together.
No. 3 Be mindful of the other person
I know this sounds like an obvious one but I think that once we get super comfortable with someone, we tend to take a few things for granted. One of the things I’ve personally tried to be more mindful of with Brandon when it comes to sleep is that he doesn’t like to turn the lamps off right away. I don’t know what it is or why, but he usually likes to keep a little light in the room until right before he goes to sleep. This bothered me at first. But I’ve come to realize that I can still fall asleep with a lamp on so there’s no need to complain.
Same thing goes for him using his headphones if he wants to stay up watching YouTube or playing Call of Duty. He’s a night owl and usually stays up way past me. For a few months, he thought he could get away with listening at a low volume but after a few nights of me ripping his head off, he now keeps THREE pairs of headphones by the bed 🙂
Love this post. This has been our stuggle for 15 years. My husband would cuddle all night if i let him. He gets sooooooooooo upset when i want to move away…..but i need my space, i get hot, and I also want to be comfortable. He also hates that i have my own lighter blanket……but i think if Im more intentional about step two and give him a bit more cuddle time maybe he wont be so mad lol
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