Are we seriously in the 10th post of this series? It’s been such a fun ride and on behalf of Sabrina, Mae and I, I want to personally thank you all for reading and contributing to #REALationshipGoals! Lifestyle content that sort of “breaks the mold” is always fun to write about and share with y’all. I also LOVE collaborating with fellow bloggers to bring (hopefully) relatable content – so I hope you’ve enjoyed this as much as I have so far. And for all of those that submitted questions and entered our latest giveaway – you rock! It’s so important for us to get feedback and hear directly from you what types of content you want to see more of!
We received SO many great questions so we decided to dive deeper into the submitted questions and topics by dedicating posts to each “issue”. This week, we are talking about a subject that hits pretty close to home for most of us: the dreaded argument. Let’s be real, there are so many different levels and take on any sort of “fight” in a relationship so we decided to tackle the topic in parts. In my post, you’ll catch how we each handle fights as they’re happening and what we’ve learned to remedy them. Head over to Sabrina’s post to check out some of our tips for dealing with fights before they happen…because being proactive is seriously a thing we should all be better at. Then head over to Mae’s post to read all about that post-fight life and how to avoid them as much as possible in the future.
Here we go!
When you’re in the heat of a fight…
Me: Own up, apologize and resolve it. I know, much easier said than done, right? Whenever B and I get in an argument, by the point, we’re pretty much both at fault for something. Either he said or did something that bothered me or I dug a little too deep into an issue that could have been resolve with a simple conversation. So, I almost always let my pride and ego fall to the side and try to extend the olive branch first. I apologize for the role I played in this usually leads to him doing the same…even if it’s a few minutes later 🙂 It’s not worth the stress, tears, anger, frustration to keep it going. I also like to resolve things at the end of an argument rather than letting them linger so I always try to help us come up with ways to avoid the issue moving forward.
Sabrina: Get out of the kitchen! Actually, don’t do that. That advice sucks. It’s true that some people just need to remove themselves from the situation temporarily, but going hours or days (yes, some people go days) without talking or dealing with your issues is bad news. I remember watching an episode of HIMYM where Marshall and Lily have a system where they can pause their fights at any point and go eat dinner, talk about other things, hook up, etc and then unpause at will. This is so not happening with me. When we’re in the heat of it, we usually try not to yell at each other and just separate for a few minutes to get our thoughts together. Sahir and I are extremely lucky that we fight maybe 3-4x a year (if that) so if it comes down to it, it’s on. I will say that one of the things that prevents us from making a bad situation worse is having a set of “off the table rules” as in, certain things that we will not say under any circumstances. For Sahir and I this means no cursing at the other person, definitely no name calling, and no matter what – no using the “D” word. We never, ever, throw around the word ‘Divorce’ it’s not on the table and not something to throw out in the heat of a fight. Every couple fights, but you need to set ground rules to make sure you don’t go past a point of no return.
Mae: I have to admit, if we let it get to this point, I have a hard time letting it go. And I also take fights really hard. Nick and I are very different in how we handle fights. He’s usually more calm (though, not perfect, okay?) and I get worked up. But what I lack in self-control, I make up for in my ability to apologize. I have ZERO problem apologizing. If I wronged him, I’m the first to admit it. It usually takes Nick a little longer. He needs time to clear his head and I need for him to clear his head or I’ll see his apology as a means of ending the argument and question his sincerity. Because we are different in how we handle fights, we both always try to take it back to the rose colored lenses thing. If we couldn’t prevent the fight by reminding one another that we are best friends and will be best friends later (see my section in Sabrina’s post for more on this), we’ll try this during the fight itself. We just have to say “we’re fighting now, but you’re still my person.” This is usually enough for us to realize we have both been silly (because, let’s face it, we usually are) and end the fight or we’ll be able to bring it down to a productive conversation.